Thought 12: Expectations, Expectations...

I've tried not to. Really I have. I've tried to think that people always let you down, it doesn't matter whether you prepare yourself for it or you don't. There's always going to be someone that let's you down. There's always going to people that doe not live up to your expectations...its the way life is, right ?

Why can't people simply do exactly what their current occupation in your life, be it friendship or otherwise...if you are a friend, be a friend...at all times...if you a husband or wife...be that, all times!

But that is just wishful wishing isn't it? Its what a perfect world, if there is such a place would be, right?

Because at the end of the day, you yourself have expectations that other people wish you to meet. And many times you fail. I fail. We all fail. Does that mean we give up on expecting things. Does that mean we live our lives expecting to be let down all the time. Or do we welcome the hurt and pain, when we get disappointed...when people don't live up to standards...
Or do we set expectations that are too much for one to live up to...do we consider what it means to living up to someones expectations...

Its a puzzling thing...
is there a solution?...
is there a need for a solution?...
is it one of those things that happen is life and you have to accept..but don't expect?

Is it even important ?

Though 11: Moving on doesn't mean forgetting

Sometimes I just wish everything stayed the same. I mean I don't mind change, change is good. Well sometimes. But I always feel like what you are used to should like stay the same kind of thing. Like when you move to a new place. Meet new people. Nice people. I always feel like why can't all my old friends meet my new friends and then I wouldn't feel like I am replacing people.

Ok that's all very confusing I know.
But you see, I've just moved somewhere very new. Very different lifestyle. Scary lifestyle. By myself for the first time. Without mum. Or dad. Or anyone familiar. Not even an annoying little borther or sister. I have never felt so 'alone in a room full of people' kindah thing like I am now.
I am with my girl who I honestly love to bits, but she doesnt know me like people back at home do.
I know there is a time that you have to move on, start afresh...I mean I'm the queen of fresh starts, everytime everything goes wrong, I'm always like "I'm going to start afresh"..but this time..its real...its my life now...its in my hands..
My friends...I feel like I'm neglecting them and they me...not intended I'm sure but that's the way it is.. yeah I know, I have new friends, I am in a new place...I should be happy...this is my sort of situation...

Yet I can't help but feel like this..like everyone is already a distant memory..as if they were in another time, and not in this lifetime.
I hate it. I really do.
I always want people to know that I care about them. Always.
But I feel like that is about to change..
I feel like a whole new life is about to start.
A whole new me.
I should be excited.
But I'm not.
I don't want to forget people.
It's just not me.