Thought 10: Finding Happiness Just As I Am :)

Okay.
I refuse to write anymore sad thoughts.
I refuse to put myself down.
I refuse to not love myself.
I refuse to keep rejecting.

For those who have been reading my slightly depressing thoughts. You will be happy to know, I've realised what l have been doing to myself. No I'm not going to be permanently writing happy thoughts, but just bringing the positiveness out of my negative thoughts.

A good friend of mine, Leigh-Anne when reading her blog, opened my eyes slightly to what negative thoughts I have been putting in my mind, then now passing them on to my readers(if any haha).

But then a person I never EVER EVER.......
expect to talk in such a deep level about love which I honestly believed it does not exist......

....no I did not fall in love with him...

...no I still stand firm on my belief...

But yes, this guy is a known player who has fallen in love(wish him all happiness) made me realise something HUGE!

By constantly telling myself negative thoughts...be it love,beauty,wealth...I'm ending up looking at life in such a negative way. Yes crap happens. Yes its a part of life and lessons. I just never believe that we have to settle for simple answers like those...I feel the need to scrutinise everything that happens to me, good or bad...I have to analyse the why's, the who's....all this thinking has got me to the place where I'm all sorts: paranoid, low-self esteem, fear of not knowing..the list goes on. I especially always question myself. Is this me being a teenager? Am I going to look back at myself and laugh at my 'stupidness'?!?! I mean all the pain and what not, should I ignore it simply because I know I shall get over it in the future...?!

These type of questions go through my mind constantly and has led me to belief in so little of the world. Almost affecting my belief on God (who btw I always thought was the only one who truly loved) and how I saw His once beautiful world...

I have decided to try and be more positive. I have decided to lift myself from this dark place I put myself. I have decided to find hapiness the ways things are.

I am no longer a FatBlackMidget

But...
JustPreen©

Thought 9: Boy Best Buddies

Most people, believe or not say that hetrosexual female and male can never be truly friends. At one time or another, something happens.
I used to think that was all bull! I mean, take me(not a normal person, but there you go) in my early childhood, I grew up surrounded by boys, but I knew them as the smelly people who like to fight and kick. As I have grown, I always seem to have at least one guy who is always there. If you a girl, you know what I mean. That guy who you can talk about other guys with like he aint a guy! That guy who will back you, whatver the matter! It never occurred to me, when I was younger that being friends with a guy meant somehow you like each other and are going to discover it later in your teenage years or in your 30s when you discover you are with the wrong person...the person you are actually meant to be with is the one that has been with you during your lifelong journey!!

...Breathe...

 I mean, most girls always say that ' I prefer guys than girls' some of these girls don't even mean as friends, right? They'd rather be in a group of guys that wanna sleep with them than girls who just for sleepovers!

Now I think people don't really know the difference. Your ex-boyfriend suddenly becomes your best friend.( I'm hypocritically speaking here) I mean you just because there's no longer chemistry, does that mean, you can be 'best buddies' with someone who techinally if you were with him (in a relationship)before, then were you close friends right? Then whatever broke you up, good or bad, can u still have that bond, tht trust. Is it real trust, or just being civil for the sake of not wanting to 'hate' each other...This really baffles me!

Then there's a person you meet, then you become friends...As far as you know, there's no chemistry...but how can you be so sure that this person(now your besties!)is letting you call him/her friend because that's the only way, they will stay close to you...

Can(hetrosexual) girls and boys be friends with nothing ever happening, or is this another one for the movies?

FatBlackMidget©