Recently I discovered that my levels of paranoia are increasingly high..but the weird thing is I'm really good at not showing it. Well at least I hope I am.
Everything I do, I feel someone is going to have a negative thought on it, nomatter how good it is.
I've always felt all my friends have a bad opinion of me, nomatter how much a good friend I am. I mean what kinda freak does that?!
I'll be talking to someone then I'll start thinking do they really give a f*** what I'm saying or they just being polite.
I'll be in a group of people and just think they don't want me there. I swear I see people looking at me weirdly, like why the heck are you doing here...
This has led to a number of dysfunctional friendships and relationships..but what's its even weirder is that I know I'm being paranoid. I know my friends don't really hate me (at least I hope) but I cannot help but think I'm liked less than I probably am. Even by strangers.
FatBlackMidget.©
Preen!! =(
ReplyDeleteU shouldn't think that. If ppl talk to u, spend time with u, it's because they appreciate ur company because they don't see u the way u think they see u. That's not paranoia, that is just lack of self esteem. So girl, be proud of u!!!
ReplyDeletebe who u r nt hw u tink da society/friends around u tink u should be, den u wnt ve a problem of being paranoid of urself or da tins u do. U do not ve to go out of ur way to be friends wid people cuz u end up sacrificing wo u r nd u cn never please those people cuz frm da beginning, u brought no personality to the table cuz u were tryin to act like dem or act in a way u tink u will be accepted. So, u’ll always be paranoid of whether u good enough fr dem or not, nd whether dey see u in da same light as u see dem[friends]. U might call dem friends bt dey might not tag u wid da same label.
ReplyDeleteBe wo u r nd da true friends will come to u in ur moments of happiness and sadness without much effort frm u in trying to prove urself. Wid true friends dey take u da way u r, dey wnt need u to convert wo u r into sumtin dat u never r cuz ur personality will help create a great group of friends.
Den u will automatically talk abt da samethings nd even maybe believe in the same things. den u wnt ve to be tinkin whether they r being polite by laughin at ur jokes or dey actually laughin cuz dey reli get da jokes cuz u ve soooooooooooooo much in common.
Hawawu.....<3
Thanks Jessica and Hawawu! <3
ReplyDeleteThis was a while ago and I can assure you, I am a much better person now, self-esteem wise.
Very wise words indeed, Hawawu.
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