Thought 13: HD Christians

We are in those days where..well, everything is upgraded. Or has to be upgraded otherwise things not function as they are meant to.
And well if you don't upgrade you fall behind...but as Christians where does this put us in the world? Why do try so hard to 'upgrade God' in every century that passes? If God is the same always, why do we assume that whatever we like, He will approve? Does God really care about what technology we use to spread the Word...or is the purpose to spread the Word whatever means possible, but the means surely shouldn't be the focus, right ?
Every time there's something new that the world produces, as Christians we always try and incooperate it into something we can use for the 'work of God'. Is that so wrong ? Maybe not but what's right about it ?

Does God care whether you use your iPhone4 to carry the gospel or your briefcase ?
Does God care whether He is being broadcasted to the world through 3ABN or through word of mouth ?

I'm pretty sure He doesn't mind which way the word it spread, so long it is spread.
If the people of the bible who, mind you, had not even a quarter of the technology we have now, spread the word to millions of people..why do we hesitate to do the same?

Why do we feel the need to adapt to the rest of the world, technology wise ?
"Be in the world but not of the world"
Surely this applies to us.
Surely this means we should not entwine ourselves in trying to upgrade God in order for His Word to be spread. But spread the world whatever means necessary...

Are we upgrade God then degrading the meaning of His Word ?

Thought 10: Finding Happiness Just As I Am :)

Okay.
I refuse to write anymore sad thoughts.
I refuse to put myself down.
I refuse to not love myself.
I refuse to keep rejecting.

For those who have been reading my slightly depressing thoughts. You will be happy to know, I've realised what l have been doing to myself. No I'm not going to be permanently writing happy thoughts, but just bringing the positiveness out of my negative thoughts.

A good friend of mine, Leigh-Anne when reading her blog, opened my eyes slightly to what negative thoughts I have been putting in my mind, then now passing them on to my readers(if any haha).

But then a person I never EVER EVER.......
expect to talk in such a deep level about love which I honestly believed it does not exist......

....no I did not fall in love with him...

...no I still stand firm on my belief...

But yes, this guy is a known player who has fallen in love(wish him all happiness) made me realise something HUGE!

By constantly telling myself negative thoughts...be it love,beauty,wealth...I'm ending up looking at life in such a negative way. Yes crap happens. Yes its a part of life and lessons. I just never believe that we have to settle for simple answers like those...I feel the need to scrutinise everything that happens to me, good or bad...I have to analyse the why's, the who's....all this thinking has got me to the place where I'm all sorts: paranoid, low-self esteem, fear of not knowing..the list goes on. I especially always question myself. Is this me being a teenager? Am I going to look back at myself and laugh at my 'stupidness'?!?! I mean all the pain and what not, should I ignore it simply because I know I shall get over it in the future...?!

These type of questions go through my mind constantly and has led me to belief in so little of the world. Almost affecting my belief on God (who btw I always thought was the only one who truly loved) and how I saw His once beautiful world...

I have decided to try and be more positive. I have decided to lift myself from this dark place I put myself. I have decided to find hapiness the ways things are.

I am no longer a FatBlackMidget

But...
JustPreen©

Thought 9: Boy Best Buddies

Most people, believe or not say that hetrosexual female and male can never be truly friends. At one time or another, something happens.
I used to think that was all bull! I mean, take me(not a normal person, but there you go) in my early childhood, I grew up surrounded by boys, but I knew them as the smelly people who like to fight and kick. As I have grown, I always seem to have at least one guy who is always there. If you a girl, you know what I mean. That guy who you can talk about other guys with like he aint a guy! That guy who will back you, whatver the matter! It never occurred to me, when I was younger that being friends with a guy meant somehow you like each other and are going to discover it later in your teenage years or in your 30s when you discover you are with the wrong person...the person you are actually meant to be with is the one that has been with you during your lifelong journey!!

...Breathe...

 I mean, most girls always say that ' I prefer guys than girls' some of these girls don't even mean as friends, right? They'd rather be in a group of guys that wanna sleep with them than girls who just for sleepovers!

Now I think people don't really know the difference. Your ex-boyfriend suddenly becomes your best friend.( I'm hypocritically speaking here) I mean you just because there's no longer chemistry, does that mean, you can be 'best buddies' with someone who techinally if you were with him (in a relationship)before, then were you close friends right? Then whatever broke you up, good or bad, can u still have that bond, tht trust. Is it real trust, or just being civil for the sake of not wanting to 'hate' each other...This really baffles me!

Then there's a person you meet, then you become friends...As far as you know, there's no chemistry...but how can you be so sure that this person(now your besties!)is letting you call him/her friend because that's the only way, they will stay close to you...

Can(hetrosexual) girls and boys be friends with nothing ever happening, or is this another one for the movies?

FatBlackMidget©

Thought 8: The people in my head are telling me you dont like me

Recently I discovered that my levels of paranoia are increasingly high..but the weird thing is I'm really good at not showing it. Well at least I hope I am.
Everything I do, I feel someone is going to have a negative thought on it, nomatter how good it is.
I've always felt all my friends have a bad opinion of me, nomatter how much a good friend I am. I mean what kinda freak does that?!

I'll be talking to someone then I'll start thinking do they really give a f*** what I'm saying or they just being polite.

I'll be in a group of people and just think they don't want me there. I swear I see people looking at me weirdly, like why the heck are you doing here...

This has led to a number of dysfunctional friendships and relationships..but what's its even weirder is that I know I'm being paranoid. I know my friends don't really hate me (at least I hope) but I cannot help but think I'm liked less than I probably am. Even by strangers.

FatBlackMidget.©