Where were you then, where are you now.
You've been there my whole life
you've been there to tend my bruises
you've been there to pursue my dreams
but where were you when my heart was being stamped on
you used to say ''I’m always right''
I never voiced it but admit it not
I did believe you
You always said to follow in your footsteps
Yet somehow your footprints disappeared.
The scratches on my knee you could cure
the aches and pains on my body you could find medicine for
yet you did not see the tears as they ran down my face
or the pain inside my heart
you seemed blind and deaf to the silent cries that begged to be healed.
Was it so wrong to think of you the way I did
Was it so wrong to believe in you lime I did
I was better when I believed ''you were always right''
I was better when your footprints I could still see
in my eyes you could never be wrong
to me you were perfect
then you left
then u broke my heart
as if it was nothing
nothing at all
had you not seen that my love for you was irreplaceable
I know I never voiced it out
I know I will never get the chance 2 voice it out
iv tired
yet it seems blunt
I told myself be strong
they told me it has happened before
he has left before
but then I dint understand anything
now I understand something...your gone
What difference did it make
None.
The pain was there
you cheated.
You who could ''never do wrong''
You cheated.
On everyone.
I ended up feeling nothing.
Nothing.
At All.
No emotions.
Just tears that had escaped and ran down my cheek
Just tears that you were never there to wipe off.
The strength that I needed for the coming weeks...years
seemed to have vanished along with you
I should have known better
but how could have I
You were the only way I knew how to be a better person
yet you still went
they said I would get over it
it happened to other people
No.
It didn't.
It didn't happen to people like me.
No.
It shouldn't have.
They said I was young
the tears didn't matter
when I grew up I would laugh about it
How?
I was yes.
But don't the young have feelings as well?
Feelings that you obviously ignored.
You made me believe in God.
No.
I grew up believing in Him.
The Healer of all pain.
Maybe I stopped believing.
Maybe I just didn't care.
If God truly loved me so much...
Why is it that not only me but others
Suffer such emotional pain
It’s ignored by our own
yet as we cry to the One and Only Saviour.
We still are unstable.
Why?
The answer may be there
but reality is even more there.
You told me He could fix all things.
''All things are made possible though Christ''
I tried.
And tried.
I guess He was too busy to answer my calls
Yes the blessings are there
how can anyone ignore them.
Food.
Money.
Shelter.
But where are the things
that make the heart happy
not the ones that keep it pumping.
Isn't that more real?
More important?
I try not to envy other people's happiness
I really try
I tell myself they have problems as well
There's nothing that they have that I don't.
They may not parade their problems
Buy they have them.
It doesn't work
At all.
I try and find happiness in things that never last.
I try and live on the good memories
that are fading each and every day
Were are you when I need you the most?
Were are you when my heart is yearning for mending?
Yes this may not be the worst case ever.
But is this not my life?
Nobody has had to live through my happiness...or my pain
I've never had to live through other people neither
So the assurance that other people are suffering worse pain
It doesn't help.
Not at all.
There are wonderful people in my life
But without you in it
there’s a big hole
Where are you?
FatBlackMidget.©
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