Thought 14: In my shoes(literally)‏

There is a question that goes around in most peoples minds when they get to know me.
Why do I like shoes ?
More specifically, why do I insist on wearing high heeled shoes?
It seems unimportant but it is an important part of my life.
It actually has more significant to me than making me look taller, strangely enough.
When I slide my feet into a pair of at least 5 inch shoes, there are butterflies fluttering away in my tummy. I dislike my height, although I thank God for who I am, it is not a fact that I am hugely proud of. Most people may assume that the Media has influenced this perspective as they portray the 'good looking' women to be stereotypically taller women. In some way, that may be true but my passion to be tall feels more personal than a nurtured feeling.
I know the consequences of wearing high heels like a fat girl knows about her chocolate. I wish I could explain why I carry on going against my knowledge but I cannot.

Being in heels makes me feel complete.
Being in heels makes me feel better about myself.
Being in heels makes the world seem to disappear.
Being in heels makes my legs seem longer. (Couldn't miss that one out)

In my shoes is a different point of view of the world.
In my shoes is where I find my own kind of happiness.
In my shoes I found my own kind of love.

Shoes do not get angry with you.
Shoes (hardly) never let you down.
Shoes are always therapeutic.
Shoes only make you feel guilty when you don't buy them.

Thought 10: Finding Happiness Just As I Am :)

Okay.
I refuse to write anymore sad thoughts.
I refuse to put myself down.
I refuse to not love myself.
I refuse to keep rejecting.

For those who have been reading my slightly depressing thoughts. You will be happy to know, I've realised what l have been doing to myself. No I'm not going to be permanently writing happy thoughts, but just bringing the positiveness out of my negative thoughts.

A good friend of mine, Leigh-Anne when reading her blog, opened my eyes slightly to what negative thoughts I have been putting in my mind, then now passing them on to my readers(if any haha).

But then a person I never EVER EVER.......
expect to talk in such a deep level about love which I honestly believed it does not exist......

....no I did not fall in love with him...

...no I still stand firm on my belief...

But yes, this guy is a known player who has fallen in love(wish him all happiness) made me realise something HUGE!

By constantly telling myself negative thoughts...be it love,beauty,wealth...I'm ending up looking at life in such a negative way. Yes crap happens. Yes its a part of life and lessons. I just never believe that we have to settle for simple answers like those...I feel the need to scrutinise everything that happens to me, good or bad...I have to analyse the why's, the who's....all this thinking has got me to the place where I'm all sorts: paranoid, low-self esteem, fear of not knowing..the list goes on. I especially always question myself. Is this me being a teenager? Am I going to look back at myself and laugh at my 'stupidness'?!?! I mean all the pain and what not, should I ignore it simply because I know I shall get over it in the future...?!

These type of questions go through my mind constantly and has led me to belief in so little of the world. Almost affecting my belief on God (who btw I always thought was the only one who truly loved) and how I saw His once beautiful world...

I have decided to try and be more positive. I have decided to lift myself from this dark place I put myself. I have decided to find hapiness the ways things are.

I am no longer a FatBlackMidget

But...
JustPreen©