Writers Block...Writing Blues...Writers Whatever

To be quite frankly honest...I want to write so so much!
I don't want to write little paragraphs anymore...I want to write something big.
Something huge.
I want to go back to story writing.
To writing with so much emotion that made my teachers cry.
But I'm slacking.
Even for just general blogging.
I think this is because most of my inspirations came from emotionally charged events within my life.
Whether it was a good time or bad time. I always found some sort of 'lesson' I'd learnt and would want to share with people. And from there more things would come up.
These days.
I have no idea what is happening with me!
I am getting a few inspirations...but they are not going anywhere.
I don't feel like I am giving my best.
I wish I could find exactly what I want from this writing business.
Am I even a good writer?
I'm not in one of those 'my life is crap' mood.
Just questioning myself on what my interests are and what I want to do them.

All of this had come from the fact that at this right moment in time.
I am likely to be sitting at home everyday for the next four months.
Jobs don't seem to like me.
I have no previous experience.
I don't even know how to 'sell myself' to get jobs.
So I guess, I'm slightly giving up on finding a proper job.
And have had a few ideas for things I could do instead.
But me being me...I can't seem to find the push I need to pursue my ideas further.
I guess my biggest is and has always been 'Is this even a good idea?!'
I know that I wont know until I try, but sometimes it feels to easy to just give up and try look another idea...which I would give up on and so on and so forth.

I love writing.
But I also love singing...yet I can never ever bring myself to even sing in front of a crowd bigger than my family of 7...simply because I tell myself that I am not talented enough.
I know its no use being so negative...but I think I'm scared to face my fears and I have no idea what to do.

As always, I've started with a topic and then digressed into others. Just like in my head...probably why I never get things done...too many ideas and to sure which one to begin with. So why not all of them -_-

Just wish I knew what I wanted and how to get to it.
*Sigh*